Friday, January 17, 2014


So Ben FINALLY wants to FaceTime with me...geeze I wonder why?!  So I logged onto my social media account to comment on a friend's picture and saw that Ben had once again changed his profile picture.  This picture PISSED me off 1.  It was during winter break and I only hung out with him ONCE and literally the last weekend too of winter break 2.  He was all smiles next to a girl in the picture, it was some sort of party and yet he never suggests to take pictures with me to make for his profile picture and I even tagged him in pictures from the wedding :( and he hasn't even liked them or commented on them. 3.  If it was her birthday, then I'm a little hurt because he didn't do anything really special for my birthday, even though I'm partially to blame but he had an extra month too and still NADA!!!  So I continued to talk to the friend that I had commented on their picture because I knew it would make him jealous since this friend did like me while we were all in college together.  I would have changed my profile picture too but I didn't have any that I liked so far and I would have preferred to change it with a guy in it too but that can always wait.  So then I made an innuendo on my status commenting on how it must be nice to go out tonight (because it would be nice to go out, even if it's by myself or with Ben but of course I have to wait till next month for that) which I had my gbf (in this case, I'm using it as guy best friend) comment on it.  He said how to keep working on my application and that he was the only guy for me and added smiley faces.  I responded back to how I had three days left for my application and also how there is another show at the museum and how we should go since Ben blew me off for the January show.  Then my gbf said to meet him in 15 minutes so he can help me with my application and how his laptop is faster then mine.  And so we ended the conversation there and literally a minute later Ben texted me.

Jan. 17, 8:09 PM
Ben: So what are you doing?
I didn't respond because I have to make it seem like I'm out with my gbf.  Plus he makes me wait forever for a response  We decided to conduct this plan because he thinks it's sad that we only go out once month and how Ben always said we'll have another date night sometime later in a week or two after our date but never do.  My gbf knows how hurt I've been in the past and wanted to help.  He also thinks it's also sad that Ben hasn't even offered to help with my master's application, even though I told him I didn't ask but still he thinks Ben should have at least offered without being told since he is supposedly "my bf."  So Ben thinks I'm out right now with some guy.  He even texted me twice after that with smiley faces and love messages so our planned work. :P  But it's also kind of sad that I have to talk to other guys through social media to get his attention. :/

Jan 17, 8:52 PM
Ben:  Well if you're not busy maybe we can FaceTime tonight :)
Ben:  I have to tell you about my week lol

Me:  Maybe in an hr or so
Ben: Okay then.  Just let me know I'll be here.  Love you :)

So I wonder why Ben all of a sudden has time for me and wants to not just talk to me, BUT FaceTime me?!  And I wonder why he made sure to put in his messages how he's here for me and loves me with a smiley message?!  Was it because of what my gbf and I posted?  OMG Ben!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO RESTORT TO ACTIONS LIKE THESE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION?   A part of me doesn't even want to message you back about FaceTime because 1.  I'm pissed off that this is how I have to get your attention 2.  I REALLY need to finish my application 3.  You never bothered to FaceTime me like you said you would during New's Years so 4.  I want him to feel how I feel when I want to talk to you but hear nothing from you and how sad I felt realizing you were never going to FaceTime me.

I know I'm being immature but am I really?!  He only acts like a "boyfriend" once a month and when I talk to other guys online.  In the meantime, I have less then 72 hours to write three essays, ask 2 professor for letters of recommendation and update my resume...sigh :/


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