Thursday, September 25, 2014

Fall Term

Fall term for school is going fine so for.  I'm taking the same class again this term that I dropped last term.  The same assignment I received a "0" on because I did not submit it correctly that caused me to drop, my prof know would give you credit since it is our first assignment and people are still trying to figure out how the system works.  I would of actually passed the class the first time around had I had this professor last term.  Oh well, I like the class atmosphere a lot better too.  People in the other class were kind of rude to me when I was trying to talk. 

I still need to find an ESL student to observe for my other class but my placement school still has not gotten back to me with a student or at least a teacher to get a hold of.  Looks like I'm going to need to reach out to a teacher myself at this rate.  I did last week reactivate my OkCupid account to see if I could find people who can help me with my ESL assignment and that was a bust so I deactivated it again on Monday.  However, I did find a person whose cousin was in the ESL program at the school I was placed at but he was an dick.  First of all he had no picture of himself and then he wanted sex in exchange for his help. WTF?! I blocked him and told him off.  I should of know better that looking for help on a dating site that people will be like that.  While I was searching people who might be able to help, my inbox was getting flooded with messages and half were stupid or gross messages.  No wonder these people are single.

I hear from Ben here and there.  Usually it is a message like how he misses me.  He still hasn't brought up a date night anytime soon and I'm not surprise.  I don't see one anytime soon.  I'll prob be better off ending things and looking for someone else who can least schedule me more then once every month or every other month.  He did try to help with my ESL project but it is better that I do it at the school assigned to me.  I feel like I would be a distraction to Ben if I were to observe a student at his job even though it could bring us together.  I just wished Ben had more time for me. 

I resigned my first job.  I feel kind of bad that it was through e-mail but phones call lately on my cell phone always disconnect.  The hours were less and it was not worth the money.  I would make like $120 a week before taxes.  I make $110 before taxes in one day substituting.  Also, know I have more time to sub,  do my homework, and student observation.  I won't miss the traffic on my way home either.  This job was the reason why I ended up taking night classes and a Saturday morning class, so I could still work at the time work was schedule for but the cutback is not worth.  I need every penny I can get to pay for my school.  If my classes didn't require a lot on site observation hours I probably would of reconsider not resigning till December but now I am less stressed about finishing assignments on time and making class on time, so it worked out for the best.      

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Not Motivated

I am not really motivated to get anything done right now.  I have so much I need to do before my second class starts tomorrow at 6 PM.  My textbook still has not come yet so I can't do the reading that I needed to get done for tomorrow's class.  Not looking forward to the feeling of anxiety because I didn't do my reading and I don't have my textbook yet. 

I did hear back from my school placement advisor and if I wanted they could of asked to see if I could do my ESL observation at Ben's school but they would have to ask the distraction and I really don't have time for that.  Also, if I wanted they could of asked to have my student-teaching done their too.  I thought about it, but decided not to.  It would be nice to be with Ben but Ben is just a long-term sub, so there is a chance they might not hire him full-time and I always do this thing where I fit my schedule to chase guys and then it back fires on me.  Plus, if something happens between Ben and I, it would be awkward.  So now I am going to pray for a miracle that I will have an ESL student by Tuesday or at least more time to find one.  I just need to stop being lazy and make phone calls and send e-mails out.  I was going to do that today but I wasn't feeling it.  My head was pounding, which probably has to do with the heat so I have been drinking water more and staying cool.   

Monday, September 15, 2014

Getting Things Done

So I am trying to get many things done on my list to do.  I e-mailed my professor about an ESL assignment and the site does not matter as long as it is approved by the university.  I hope Ben's school is approved by the university.  I also heard back from my academic advisor and now I am just waiting to hear from financial aid and hopefully they approve my appeal for fin aid or otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford my university.  I will call them tomorrow and see what the status of my appeal is.

I Skyped  with that OkCupid guy and Ben Thursday night.  OkCupid guy wants to hang out in a couple of weeks and I don't know if I should or not.  We are just friends and Ben is always hanging out with the opposite sex.  Another part of me, doesn't want to because it would feel like I am cheating on Ben.  However, Ben never asked me officially asked me to be his girlfriend.  Also, we never really have date night and haven't had one in a couple of months.  In addition, I don't want to miss out on an opportunity because I wasted my time with Ben.  When I talked to Ben, he just said the usually of how he missed and how we will hang out "soon."  I wouldn't be surprised if "soon" is my birthday, which I am not looking forward to.  It won't feel genuine if Ben does invite me out for my birthday and this is the first time I have seen him in  a couple of months because to me, it will feel like he is just making an effort because it is my birthday and feels obligated to.  I can try to trick him again like I did for my last birthday. 

It is so hot right now.  It is 108 degrees.  I am glad the air is on because it would be hard to get things done without feeling hot and sweaty.  I have so much to read and I was hoping one of my textbooks would have came by now so I can start reading but it hasn't!  All my other books have arrived expect for the one I really need!  I need to read 4 chapters by Wednesday night for my class.  My professor did tell us to e-mail her if we wouldn't have the textbooks in time.  If I would have know it was going to take this long, I would have e-mailed the prof and I ordered this book on the 7th!!! Ugh.  Hopefully, it comes tomorrow!!! 

Fall Semester

Fall semester is off to a quick start.  I have assignments due left and right.  I am a little worried about one but hopefully Ben can help me out if my professor lets me choose any school to observe an ESL student. 
I heard back from my first job and it is starting next week.  I thought about if I should go back or not and I don't think I am.  The hours are less and kind of would interfere with student observation.  It would only leave me to observe on Fridays without feeling I need to leave for work to beat traffic.  I would only make $120 a week before taxes and it takes an hour to get home because of traffic.  If I could sub and do my first job, I would but I can't.  Also, now I have a flexible schedule and would have more time to study and do my homework when not subbing.  I am sad I won't see the kids again really from my first job but I need to make actually money and focus on school. 
I went to the gym last night also.  I did a few weight machines because so many people where on the weight machines and on the I wanted to do.  Most were not even do the machines either, they were just sitting their either talking on the phone or texting.  So I just biked for an hour and think about things without being distracted.  For example, the one thing I was looking about my first job was having kind of a set schedule where I could go to work and the gym afterwards since they are on my way home.  I just need to find as gym class that works with my schedule and makes me want to go every week.  I  want to get back into shape and make new friends.  I just want to survive this school year and hopefully the gym can help like it did years before.         

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Worst Week Ever

This week is going horribly wrong and I am trying to stay positive but it is hard and not working.  I lost 2 pets this week to start off with.  I literally just bought them stuff and they unfortunately passed away.  Today, I bought a new tank for my fish, so hopefully he isn't next to pass away.  I feel like a  jinx, I buy a pet something and then they die shortly afterwards.  I know I shouldn't have bought the fish tank but it was HK and I am pretty sure within a week it will be out of stock online and then I will see people selling it on eBay for at least 2 times the orginal price it was at the pet store.

I still need to call financial aid but at least I have some money to cover the remaining cost.  I have also realized that I am going to need another loan because I am lit out of money now.  I even created a sugar baby account, yes that is right.  I am becoming desperate for cash officially.  I saw some profiles that I liked.  Those that I did liked, I am not after their money but they are just looking for someone to hang out with like me, so I actually messaged them. I haven't heard back from any of them so that kind of sucks.  I did exchange numbers with one sugar daddy and I told him I would call him but I can't.  I don't know what to do and say and I have never been good with phone calls in the past in general.  I just want to stick with texting for now with sugar daddies but it looks like I don't have to worry about that because I haven't heard from a lot of them.  I feel bad I haven't called but I guess I am not ready for a sugar daddy or that desperate for cash. 

So as for work, I feel bad that I had 6 chances to sub, so that is $600 I turned down.  I would have taken the sub assignments but they were middle and high school and I am not mentally ready to sub for them.  I usually have terrible experiences with older students.  If it was elementary, I would take it in a heart beat but I haven't seen any this week.  As for my first job, I am starting to wonder if they remember that I wanted to return in the fall.  Probably not and it doesn't help that my boss resigned.  Usually there is training around now or I am at least posted of what is coming up in the next coming weeks but nope, nada, haven't heard anything from them.  If you don't work in the summer, they make you resign and so tec I am resigned so I wonder if they think I fully resigned because I really don't trust the staff in the office to make note to rehire me for the fall.  Oh well, I will then have more chances to make actually money and sub and more time for class and class assignments.  Maybe my position at work has been terminated because that has happened to other positions in the past.  If so, they could at least tell me.  I am also mad that instead of issuing a regular paycheck for my last paycheck, they gave me a credit card and convenience check for you to call and activate.  I tried for an hour today and nowhere and got upsetting news.  They said I had no money even though I should have $35 so I can't activate the check and to call my employer.  So I emailed my employer today even though that was prob a waste of time too.  Even though it is $35, I need that $35.  I lit have only $1 in my wallet. 

The only good thing that has been happening this week is texting Ben.  Ben is texting me more and he is busy with work and always tired but it is nice that he has been taking  the time lately to text me. :)

It is Wednesday, so it is hump day.  I am hoping that the bad is over and goodness will come over the hump.    

Friday, September 5, 2014

Panic Attack

I'm on the verge of having a panic attack for many reasons.  First, I still need to call the sub desk and fin aid.  I still need to pay for my classes and order my textbooks!!! I am super broke.  I still owe $80 on a store credit card bill but I will have to wait till next month to finish it off b/c I have no more money.   I thought I had enough but I was still $80 short.  I know I will have to pay interest again next month but oh well, hopefully I will have money by then.  I do not like being this tight with money.  There was no sub jobs either this week so no money this week.  I still need to read my readings and answer questions before 8AM tomorrow, ugh procrastination!!!

I def won't be doing anymore online shopping unless it is for school.  I already spent a lot on me this month and not to mention I still need to finish paying my bills. 

I'm not looking forward to Halloween this year either.  I have a big test the next and so I can't really be out.  It is not like I go out anyways, especially with Ben.  Waiting 2 years for Ben to do something with me is long enough, so this Halloween I will be studying and trying to have a good time when I am not studying.  Last year, I wore a Batgirl shirt and Ben said he would wear a Batman shirt while he was at school.  found out through FB he didn't wear it.  He went as a nerd and posted a picture of him with a girl dressed as nerds and he made it his profile picture too.  If Ben does invite me out for Halloween, which I doubt, I will decline.  I  need to study and 2 years is long enough for me to wait.  Sadly,  I am getting tired of waiting around for Ben. 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Gone to Soon

R.I.P. Joan Rivers.  You will be missed, especially by me, another fellow anthropology major like yourself.  You left to soon and my weekends without seeing you on TV will not be the same.  Praying for you and your family.  I hope you are making tons of angels laughing right now in heaven. 

Clock is Ticking

The clock is ticking before class starts on Saturday morning.  My readings that I printed need to be picked tomorrow so I can read all day Friday.  I don't want to procrastinate this term!  I will do my best now not to because the readings are a lot and I need to pass my classes with a B or better.  I just hope I have a good semester, I don't want any bad experience like last term.

I finally got an agenda!  Now I can start writing down my workouts and getting organized.  I have been writing in my agenda events that I will like to go.  I think I will go to them if I can by myself and start being independent.  Sadly, I have given up hope of Ben taking me somewhere that I have been wanting to go to or having a day to ourselves, let alone a romantic evening.

Tuesday night, I texted Ben and that OkCupid guy and asked if they new anything about Wi-Fi extenders.  I'm probably going to need one for school so I thought I would ask because they are both tec savvy but no one responded.  It was also kind of late to when I texted so another reason why for no quick response.  Hours went by and no response from either one so I didn't bother to text them anymore. I figured that I was probably annoying both of them and they are busy so I haven't texted them since.  I even texted Ben that afternoon a message that said I missed him and that didn't even get a response.  I will figure out Wi-Fi extenders myself because I feel kind of bad because I feel like I am annoying them with my text messages. Apparently they noticed because both texted me last night with a response to the Wi-Fi text:

Sep 2, 2014, 9:54 PM (to Ben)
Me: Do you know anything about wifi extenders? 

Sep 4, 2014, 12;15 AM
Ben: I miss you <3
        Oh and yeah I know about wifi extenders

Sep 2, 2014, 10:12 PM (to OkCupid guy)
Me:  Do you know anything about wifi extenders? 

Sep 3, 2014, 10:12 PM
OKCupid Guy: Uhm, kind of, not really. Never have needed it. 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Lazy Day

I haven't finished anything I said I would.  I still need to call fin aid and the sub resource desk for last Friday.  I still need to read my readings for my Saturday morning class.  Also, getting them printed wouldn't hurt either.   I also need to order my textbooks and study for my test in November.  It is hot right now and I want to enjoy at least one more day of doing nothing before school starts and maybe work. I am lazy right now.  If I had the air condition on, I would get more done but it is expensive and opening a window and fan help a little and save some money.  Also, I still do not know what is going to happen with my first job at this point.

I also have been looking around online for early Christmas and birthday gifts but have not seen anything at a good price.  I guess that is a good thing since I am pretty much broke.  I'm sure I will find stuff during Black Friday week.  I don't know what to get Ben.  I still have that electric razor he wanted.  So in case I can't find anything else or I am extremely broke, I have that at least.  It is a good razor too and wasn't exactly cheap either.  I got it a good price compared to others I have seen.  I have seen some around $200 and up.  For a razor?!  

I still think about getting the iPad mini either for me or for Ben.  However, I am pretty sure a new version is going to come out since the iPhone 6 is coming out pronto.  So maybe the iPad mini will drop even more in price.  I did buy some things yesterday but I got some deals so I don't feel to guilty.  I bought a ring from QVC since it was  on clearance and sterling silver.  As my mom always said, "Always buy in gold or silver because they keep their value."  I wanted this ring for a while and my mom wanted me to buy a jacket for her so since I was using my credit card to buy it, I might as well buy something for myself.  It is an early birthday present for me.  I also bought a tank top of my university since the store I bought it had free shipping no minimum and another 20% off.  I always wanted that tank top too.  I would see it at other stores for $30 or more and never in my size too.  When I buy apparel of my university, a part of me feels like I am going to jinx myself and dropout.  Another part of me however, feels like it is motivation when I wear them to finish so I can tell people I actually went their.  Only a few people know I am even going to that university.  I want to finish so I can wear my appeal proudly and tell people I went their if they ask.  I have bought a lot of apparel I noticed since I started the program.  It is kind of nice that my university is a big NCAA school so being football season, I can find merchandise and apparel just about anywhere.  For now, I just tell people I am a fan of the school and how my dad went their too.  Hopefully this time next year, I can say I went their and buy the alumni apparel.  I just need to be motivated and work hard.   Keep thinking about those Kapala commercials and keep wearing my apparel for inspiration, hope, determination, and motivation.    

Monday, September 1, 2014

Labor Day Weekend

My labor day weekend has been interesting.  Thursday night/early Friday morning, I Skyped with Ben.  We tried to FaceTime but it turns out I can't since I still have not updated my iOs on my phone.  Skype was also better since whenever we FaceTime I usually lose connection because of Wifi at my house and it can take forever to connect again.  He brought up the fair but I acted like I was not interested because we never go together plus there was no more $1 Labor Day admission price so I was not that egger to go to the fair this year.  He also brought up how soon we will go out.  When "soon" is, is probably another month from now.

I subbed on Friday.  I just need to sub 9 more full days to get rehired again for the next school year.  I don't want to feel stress about needing more days to sub like I did last school year but thankfully I was able to get 10 days by the end of the school year.  The school I was at was short on subs so I ended up with more kids.  The other sub who had the other half of the kids I had said to call the school district office and tell them what happened and we would get paid more.   I will def be doing that tomorrow.  More cash the better since I still need to pay for school and some store credit cards.  I thought about quitting my first job so I can sub more but after Friday, I reconsidered.  The night before I sub, I always have a hard time falling asleep and then when I get home, I am tired and crash the rest of the day.  I also don't know what is going to happen with my first job since my boss left to return to teaching.  Maybe I will only have one job soon???

Fin aid also on Friday said they will look at my appeal but I just needed another form to submit.  I will also call them on Tuesday because I am not sure what this form is.  So things are getting a little better with school (hopefully).

My prof for my Saturday class also e-mailed the class.  Class starts next Saturday.  I have a lot of reading to do so I need to print the reading material out and start that for class.  I just want a good semester so hopefully I do, even if it means little sleep.  Just like those Kaplan commercials I see on TV how you sacrifice so much for one moment, I want my moment of graduation and a master's degree!  I am mentally motivated right now, hopefully this motivation lasts the whole semester.    

I went to the gym last night too!  It is a start and hopefully I keep it up.  I want to start taking a gym class again and meet new people.  Last time I had a set gym schedule, it was great.  I had so much self-esteem.  I felt great after taking gym classes and working out and I meet new people.  It helped me get through my last year of community college after my friends left the year before so hopefully the gym can help get through my master's program this year.    

There are a lot of great Labor Day sales going on right now.  I keep telling myself I do not need this or that and I want to buy land.  However, one thing that keeps calling me is the iPad mini  at BestBuy.  It is $200 right now.  It would be nice for school but really I just want it for Ben.  I am really tempted to opening a BestBuy credit card since I would have six months to pay it off without interest.  However, opening to many store credit cards can be bad for your credit score but not having any also effects credit scores.  I already have 3 and my parents might get upset if I open another but I want it get for Ben for Christmas...sigh, what to do?!  Not having money right now stings but I can wait till Black Friday to get Christmas gifts.  Usually by now I have most of my Christmas shopping done by now but times have change.  I can always do what I use to do in the past and do my Christmas shopping at the university bookstore since finals week usually the items are on sale.  It will be like the good old days minus the student loan debt I have now.  I also do not know if Ben wants or needs an iPad mini...this is going to be a tough call.