Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Responding to a Status

Why is it the only way I can get Ben's attention these days is through social media?  Why?!  I was missing Ben on Sunday and reflecting on how much he has done for me and wanted to make it up to him this weekend but he did not respond back to me until yesterday- only after I had wrote on someone's wall, changed my profile picture and started to make plans with someone else. 
Last night, I was responding to someone's status and saw that Ben had once again changed his profile picture.  His new profile picture was him posing next to some girl who was not tagged.  He changed it last Tuesday too the day he helped me with my projects.  It was before we met up, but still, I just had changed my profile picture about 2 weeks ago and he never said anything nor tagged himself in the picture like I was hoping he would too.  I am slowly trying to make us official on social media by first changing my profile picture to us but apparently Ben could care less and probably refers to me as his girlfriend whenever it is convenient  for him, like with his close guys friends, etc.   So I changed my profile picture to an old one where I am posing with some Ranchero singer.  No point of having a picture of us when he doesn't even at least like the picture of us as my profile picture.  No sooner had I logged off that Ben sent me a text telling me how he missed me and wanted to hang this weekend.  WTF Ben?!  Why is it that the only way I can get your attention is writing on your "competition's" wall and changing my profile picture.  It made me mad and I'm still mad because here I am trying to make  up time with him and spend more time with him and he literally schedules me in when  it is convenient for him.  It isn't fair to me too and sometimes I feel like I deserve better.  I started making plans with that one guy I mentioned earlier that I had met online since I keep blowing him off for Ben.  Here is a guy who wants to hang out with me while I always decline him for Ben and I even keep my weekends open for Ben who only hangs out with me once a month and even tells me that he has other people that he needs to hang out with too when I try to schedule another date night, like last week for example.  How does he expect me to introduce him to my parents when he doesn't even spend that much time with me to being with and my parents are the type to judge over everything so him only hanging out with me once a month will not win any points with them.  So IDK what I am going to do this weekend, I think I might just have  a "me" weekend and just go to the gym all weekend and lay around the house in my PJs.  I don't know if I want to hang out with that guy from online since I'll probably be thinking of Ben.  And I don' t think I want to hang out with Ben to send a message that I deserve more then a once a month date night.  But I doubt that will have any effect on him since he always has someone to hang out with.  Why does my love and social life suck?!   
Sunday March 23 7:49PM:
Me: <3

8:01 PM
Me: My love lets do something this weekend :)
        I miss you

Monday March 24 7:46 PM
Ben: <3
         Okay let's do something this weekend :)
         I miss you

-Really, you miss me?!  You have a funny way of showing it!!!  Also, you are just now responding to me after I just commented on some guy's wall who used to like me and whom you consider your competition from school and after I changed my profile picture that used to be us too.  Yeah...you really miss me.

9:29 PM
Me: <3

-I waited to respond to him just like he did and didn't even respond to hanging out since I already started making plans with someone else and because I am mad at him for blowing me off always and responding only after I was on social media.

March 25 12:02 AM
Ben: <3

2:54 AM
Me: Me 2

-Now I am just going to me my messages short and blunt because that is what I do when I am mad/upset and respond to him way later since that seems to be the only way I can get his attention these days since it has worked before in the past.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

I Need a Miracle...Like Fast! :/

I need a miracle.  I officially started grad school this week and already I feel overwhelmed and behind.  I still need to buy textbooks, do my homework/assignments, and respond to e-mails.  I need to pay for my classes by April 1st or 2nd and that is coming up soon.  I applied for financial aid but have been having issues with it and just found out on Friday that I applied for the wrong one so now I am worried about how I am going to pay for the two classes I am enrolled in.  I was going to take 3 but it cost to munch and I wanted to ease my way into taking more classes since you have to get an A or B in the class in order to pass. Also, my classes are web based so being not tech savvy I wanted to see how it goes.  Hopefully I'll be done by next year and find a way to pay for my classes.  I missed the information session for paying for classes because of work.  I'll probably end up taking some sort of loan but I just don't what kind yet.  I'm splitting the cost of the books with some people so that will help but some books I do need to buy myself since they are actual physical textbooks.  I am already counting down the days till June 8th when my classes will be over with.  I am also looking into other ways to bring in cash, such as substituting more, looking for the things to sell, and even those get paid cash to read e-mails.  I don't think I'll make that much but it is worth a try.  Why is school so expensive!? :/
I saw Ben on Tuesday (3/18) and he helped me edit my video clips for school.  It was the first time I've seen him since our last date night.  It was sweet that he dedicated the whole night to helping me with my projects because I don't think I could have done it without him and it was spring break.  I wished they didn't take long because I was too tired to have a romantic evening afterwards and I ended up going home after we got something to eat.  Hopefully, we can have date night next weekend, I wanted date night this weekend but he has plans with other people as usual.  I really want to make it up to him since we didn't really have a chance to celebrate his birthday, Valentine's Day and date night.  I was going to bring it on Tuesday when I saw him but I didn't want the chocolates and HK marshmallow pop to melt.   

So for now I'm trying to get much as sleep as possible since I haven't had a decent sleep since getting expected.  I've been having a hard time sleeping because I worry about meeting deadlines, losing internet connection, computer crashing and how I'm going to pay for classes and course material!!!