Cloudy Day

Yesterday I was suppose to have a date night with Ben but we didn't. His phone died yesterday and he wasn't able to get a hold of me to later at night. I'm not mad because it was cloudy and windy and it would of been cold for me for a nice date night. Now I kind of wish I had bought a tablet for him so he has another way of getting hold of people. Or maybe I should get him an iPod since he can send me messages to my phone and FaceTime me too. Idk, I need to research more.

I think for next term I am going to take one class, assuming I pass the classes I am taking right now. I am disappointed in myself. I wanted to finish school by December but now it looks like next March. I can take a CSET in March but I am not ready. There is also May and July so I'll sign up for the May one and if I don't pass then the July one and hopefully I pass by then so I can start student teaching in September. I was hoping I would pass by now so I could study for other CSET too like the physical education and multiple subjects. Ben said he would help me study too but he never does so I am not relying on him for help with studying. I also need to be more independent and stop relying on people.

Ben also got another long term assignment last Friday. I was hoping last Friday we could have lunch together the day before but that's when he started his long term assignment. I dressed up for work last Friday since it was the day before Valentine's Day at work and that's what I had already plan on wearing if I had lunch with Ben. So when I went to work last Friday I knew he wouldn't surprise me with flowers or balloons either after work. I thought he might for Valentine's Day but nope. To me, I haven't seen his romantic side that he claims to have. He does take me out and help me when he can but I haven't seen anything off the top romantic. But that's how its always been with me and guys. They just take me to dinner and movies 99% of the time. No guy has ever done anything over the top romantic for me. When I see girls get asked in a cute way for a school dance, I wish for once in my life that would happen to me but I don't think it will ever happen anytime soon. Ben never asked me to official be his girlfriend ever. 

I have some free days this week that would of been nice to spend a day with Ben. He could of taken me to campus to get my taxes done and then we could of spent the rest of the day in the city but that won't be happening anytime soon. It would of been nice if I could of had a date night with Ben last night even if it was cold since it is half way through the semester and now I am going to have tons of projects for school so I'll be really busy with school and won't be able to have a date night in the near future. Oh well, I am use to it by now.  

Last Monday, I was watching Jane the Virgin and the character Rafael totally reminded me of Omar towards the end of the episode. He was talking to Jane on his bed and the way he was posed reminded me of Omar. Then the song they were playing called Worlds Apart by Joshua Radin even reminded me of Omar more because in the song it talked about the moon and being apart. Omar always use to point out the moon when it was full. Sometimes when I look at a full moon I think about the memories I had with Omar at the gym. I think he crosses my mind from time to time because a part of me wonders if he ever like me or not and wants to know. But when I think of it, probably not. He never asked me out when he had the chance and he is married now so that answers my question. Hopefully Ben truly loves me and isn't cheating on me because I can't take another heart break.

I don't think I will go to the gym tonight. It is really cold and cloudy. I also don't want to get up in any rain since it is suppose to rain today and tomorrow. I didn't go last week because my allergies were bad but hopefully I can go later this week. I really want to get back into shape and hopefully meet some new people.