Friday, December 5, 2014

Still the same...sigh

So during Thanksgiving Ben was been nice, a little to nice.  Maybe since he had the week off, he had more time to text me.  He even offered to help me by checking my final paper since he knew I was burnt out from the week before.  I finished four papers the week before. I declined since he didn't look over my papers the week before and I knew I was going to finish my paper late at night and I just wanted to submit it asap. I didn't want to wait around for Ben to read my paper like I did last time and I ended up submitting my papers without someone checking them. Ben also said how we should celebrate the end of my semester but only because one of my guy friends had posted that on my wall. if it weren't for FB, Ben wouldn't know know what I was up to or feeling or vice versa.  Though I noticed Ben hasn't posted much or been tagged since the Halloween picture incident.  

So I am done with school until January.  I'll be having a Saturday morning class too again.  This time at 7AM, not that it matters since Ben never goes out with me anymore. Hopefully, I'll have more time to go to the gym and channel my sadness over Ben into something positive at least.  Ben has also been texting me just about every night with messages like how he missed me and stuff, the usual.  It still doesn't make up for the lack of date night. I didn't even see him once in November and that was my birthday month too!!! I wonder if he will remember my fake birthday this month too, probably not since he didn't remember last year.  My guess is we'll go out once this month, most likely towards the end of the month and that will be his way of making up for my birthdays and Christmas and then the next date night will be the day before his birthday, in February, if I'm lucky. His birthday is on a Sunday so maybe he have plans already the whole weekend of his birthday.

I also failed my CSET too :( but I have another chance in January.  If I don't pass then, then I'm fcucked. I'll have to take a semester off and retake the test till I'll pass.  Ben offered to help me study over winter break but only because he saw how someone posted on my wall how they were going to help me study.  I'm not holding my breath for Ben's help nor am I going to ask for his help either.  He didn't even help me study for the test the first time around. I don't want to rely on people to check my papers or help me study anymore. It sucks waiting for help only to be forgotten...cough, cough...Ben. I want to be more independent and not rely on people like Ben or that Okcupid guy for help. I'm tired of things still being the same, especially with Ben. I need a better social and academic life come 2015.

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