Midnight Text

Lately Ben has been taking me around midnight.  Mostly to send me a heart emoji and/or to say how he missed me.  Last night I was up at midnight and there was no text. I didn't think much until I woke up at 1:50 AM and saw he sent a message.

November 25, 2014 12:48 AM
Ben: Are you awake?

November 25, 2014 1:51 AM
Me: <3

Yesterday 12:06 AM
Ben: <3
Me: <3
Ben: You are my everything and I love you
Me: Emoji of happy face blowing a heart kiss

Looking at my conversations with Ben, it makes me wonder why he is being nice lately and why he messages me around midnight?  It probably has to do with work and how he probably takes a nap when he gets home and then grades afterwards. It's a nice gesture his midnight text because some days I have no idea what we are and how he feels for me.  I also wonder why he wanted to know if I was awake or not.  Maybe he wanted to talk on the phone or Skype or maybe he just wanted to talk more through iMessage.  And if he did want to talk, about what? Did he want to see how I was doing and how my final paper was going? Did he want to make plans to celebrate my birthday or birthdays?  Or maybe, just maybe, he wanted to dtr and make us official and invite me over for Thanksgiving?  I have mixed feelings about that.  I mean, I do want to dtr and make us official where friends and families know we are officially dating but I don't know if I am ready to dtr on Thanksgiving.  My parents would be shocked that's for sure because they think I'm single and Ben and me barely go out for them to think I'm not single.  My parents are very judgmental.  And then I don't know how long to say we have been dating for because even I don't know. Also, my parents would probably expect a proposal within a year of dtr.  I'm not kidding, they think if a guy doesn't propose after a year you are wasting your time. Maybe Ben and I would be expectation since neither one of us is in a position to get married since none of us is financial stable, sigh. Maybe tonight, I'll get another text from Ben wanting to talk. Hopefully I won't  be to tired or busy with my final paper. I still need to start and finish it!!! After I finish it, I can semi-relax and enjoy the break.  I'll just be worried about how I did on my classes and if I passed my CSET and also how I'm going to pay for my classes. 

I've also noticed that Ben has not posted a lot of things on FB or been tagged in pictures or status after the Halloween pictures he was tagged in. Maybe he tells people not to so I don't see and get mad again. Even though I called him out on my status and later denied it was for him, I'm sure he knew it was for him. It makes me wonder if he is hiding anything.  Maybe something did happen since he did delete those pictures from his wall.  Or he felt genuinely guilty after realizing how we hadn't seen each other since May.  Wouldn't you get mad or extremely pissed off if you hadn't seen your significant other in MONTHS when they are close to where you live and work and then they post pictures of them with the opposite sex all over them?! I sure put up a lot with someone who idk is my bf or not.  I know I'm not a great "GF" if that's what I am to Ben. But how can I be a gf when he doesn't let try to be and when we do go out, I'm pissed off at him most of the time.  Maybe tonight I'll find the answer to my questions.