Thursday, April 23, 2015

Six Months From Now

So once again I am mad at Ben, shocker right?! I wish I was typing something happy but not this time. So Monday, I texted Ben asking what he was doing Tuesday or Wednesday since Monday and Tuesday I was subbing near him. I asked if he was free and wanted to do something after I finished work or "do lunch" as Ben would say. He said he was free and missed me and wanted to see me. He asked if I had the whole day off Wednesday but I told him I working. Monday night I went to bed excited. I even dreamt of Ben and me getting married and when I woke up I was in a good mood. I wore something cute and waited to hear from Ben. I texted him before worked started how I thought it was going to rain and he texted me back at 1:34 how he had just woke up and how he didn't realize how cold it was and how he put the heater on. I texted him how it was cold and I waited to see if would remember about doing something after school but he didn't. A part of me was hoping he would surprise me and be waiting outside my work but sadly no. I drove home pissed off and he texted me at 4:32 about how one day he had the AC and the next day he had the heater on. I ignored it since I was pissed off about forgetting about our date. I didn't want to remind him either because now I want a guy to truly want to spend time with me and make the effort. I don't want to make an effort if it isn't worth it and I cant tell with Ben sometimes. With Ben, he only makes time when he knows I am pissed off because of FB. And right now I am staying off of FB for the month of April to focus on school. So maybe Ben doesn't know I am mad at him because I haven't updated my status like I usually do when I am mad at him. Anyways, I went to bed pissed off and prayed that Ben would remember for Wednesday. He texted me a heart 11:32 PM but I was asleep and how my phone on silent because I didn't want to hear from him. So today I dressed cute hoping Ben would remember and text me but as the hours passed at work that glimmer of hope faded and once again I drove him pissed off. So the rest of today I thought about Ben. I wondered if he knows I am pissed off and not texting me because he is waiting to cool off. I also wondered why he always does this. I thought about how munch longer I could take of this because last night I dreamt about my next birthday. I dreamt that it was coming up and that I didn't see Ben all summer and all of September and October. He texted me how he wanted to spend time with me for my birthday and I texted him back how I hated birthdays and how he was doing exactly what I hate about birthdays, which is I don't see or hear from someone almost all year but when it is my birthday (or Valentine's Day) they remember I exist and want to spend time with me. I also texted Ben back how if it weren't for my birthday he probably wouldn't have even tried to make time for me that week. I woke up after that so I don't what Ben said, if he said anything or how it ended. He just texted me a heart 22 minutes ago but I just ignored it. Maybe he will realize that I am mad and giving him the silent treatment. All I wanted to do these past two days was just spend time with him, even if it was to get a quick drink at Starbucks when I had lunch or just talk during my lunch. Or get something to eat after work or see another movie, just something. I would of been happy had he come for just a minute so I could at least give him a hug and kiss. I just wanted to see him at least one more time before school got hectic in the next few weeks but it looks like my dream from last night is becoming a reality. :/

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