Thursday, October 24, 2013

Day Off


I met Ben's mother yesterday.  It was an accidental meeting.  It was very quick but I still met her and I got to see what she looked like in person.  I felt bad that I came as she was leaving for her work.  She offered me juice and apologized if her hands were cold when we shook hands.  Had I know she was going to be home, I would of taken off my work shirt and at least look a little more presentable.  I just wanted to stop by at Ben's house and say hi quickly before I went to work.  I asked Ben about school and he told me how it was good but stressful and a lot of work.  I wished I could of stayed a little longer but I needed to drive back to work.  It sucked driving to work.  I got stopped at almost every red light or stuck behind a slow car.  However, I managed to clock in on time.  I was sad when I had to leave Ben's house because I know I won't see him to who knows when and part of the reason why I stopped for a very quick visit.  As me and Ben were talking during my visit I told him how I was going to stop by campus after work to return the library books and how he should visit me quickly.  I was kidding because I know he's in class and can't afford to miss and/or ditch classes and even if he gets a break, it's one of those 10 to 15 minute breaks.  So with that in mind, I know we probably won't be spending my birthday together, which makes me sad.  I just want a nice birthday for once, but it looks like it won't be happening this year.  He'll be in class :( and I know he can't afford to miss class, even if he suggests it, I couldn't let him do it.        

I didn't have work today which was nice.  I could have subbed today but didn't.  I feel bad that I haven't but when I do see an opening, I either have to study or somewhere I'm not familiar with the location.  When I am driving and I don't know where I am going, I stress out very easily and get overwhelmed and then really lost.  Also, my main work would overlap so I would have to call in for a sub even though I would make more money subbing but I need to get ready ahead of time!  I never have clothes or my stuff ready so I need to make a mental note of that.  So this weekend, I'm going to get ready to work.  I need to find a full-time job with benefits because soon I will no longer be insured and then I will be screwed.

Today, I found out another person I know is engaged.  Everyone around me is either getting married or having a baby.  As for me, I am still living at home working a part-time job.  I always picture myself by this time being married and having a child but then as I realized how my love life was, I settled for at least being engaged or if I was single, I was working on my masters in anthropology or working in the field of anthropology where I would meet my Indiana Jones/Josh Bernstein soul mate and we would get married and travel the world together and go on crazy adventures while making historical finds.  But the reality is, I'm not married nor am I doing anything anthropology related :/  I don't even the status of what Ben and me are and I would like my parents to know who is and eventually meet him but we still haven't DTR.  Also, I can't even afford to move out and then elope at Vegas.  I need a better job so I can get closer to my dreams.  I did find some universities that offered online master degree programs in anthropology but nothing in California so far.  I saw one that I liked in Texas but you had to report to class at the being of the semester for orientation and then the end of the semester for a presentation.  I am thinking about, maybe I can work something out with the university, like driving out to Texas at the end of the semester to at least present.  The drive to Texas would be worth, even it had to be twice a semester, it would be worth it because I'm doing something in anthropology and it might help me get into a field school and open more doors to a part-time anthro job or even intern.  Though my parents wouldn't be to happy about the internship unless it paid but I doubt it because they want me to have a career by now and a job that offers everything from benefits to retirement plans, etc.

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