Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A Little Heart Broken

Last night when I was texting Ben, it broke my heart in a way.  He asked me how my day was and I told him how work was a little crazy because my partner was out sick for the day and there was no help available since they were short on staff.  He told me how he had a long day and how he worked in the morning and then had class right afterwards.  His work is like my second job that I still need to do.  I still worry that one of these days I'm going to get a letter, email or phone call how I didn't meet their minimum requirements and have been terminated.  He told me his schedule for school this fall, which is M-Th 3-9 and 4-8.  This broke my heart because it meant that we would probably not spend Halloween together again.  Last year we were suppose to spend Halloween together but he never invited me out.  He told me how I should be Sailor Moon when I asked him what I should be out of the choices I had in mind.  He was suppose to be Tuxedo Mask and I even watch like 3 seasons of Sailor Moon to brush up on my Sailor Moon knowledge.  He was never Tuxedo Mask so I was a Sailor Moon left without her Tuxedo Mask.  I now know how Sailor Moon felt when Damien/Tuxedo Mask broke up with her, even though it was to protect her and a result from being brainwashed.  Still, it would be nice to spend a holiday with him.  This year, I have a cute Glinda costume but it looks like I won't be wearing it this year :( since he has class so late.  It also looks like we won't be doing anything on my birthday either. :/  He'll be in class on my birthday unless he decides he doesn't want to go but I rather he went to class.  I'm not big on birthdays.  It bugs me how people are phony and fake nice on your birthday.  People should be nice and want to do things for you any day of the year, and not just your birthday.  Also, it bugs me when people I haven't talked to and seen in awhile want me to spend my birthday with them.  Like I said before, you should want to spend time with me and want to do things for/with me throughout  the year and not just my birthday.  I don't mind you wishing me a happy birthday but when you want me to spend MY birthday with you, then we have a problem.  However, knowing Ben, he'll call me at midnight (he did on my last birthday) and think it's so original, thoughtful and sweet (even though I could care less and to me, calling someone at midnight on their birthday is a little lame and unoriginal).  He'll then want to make it up to me if he has class by doing something the next day or next week.  However, he has said that to me before with date night, like the Banquet and Wedding for example, he said we would have date night the next week and no shocker we never did.  So my birthday will once again be a disappointment like always.  I'll probably just go to work and maybe just treat myself to a shopping spree afterwards.  It's not worth taking a day off if I'm not going to do anything on my birthday expect sit at home bored while my parents, especially my mom, say they are going to take me to sushi restaurant since that is my favorite food and then change the restaurant to accommodate the rest of the family who doesn't like it and then at the last minute not end up going anywhere.  Not wanting to repeat this again, I would rather just take off early in the morning and  go for a nice run and then get ready for work and go to work because I might as well earn money if my birthday is going to be a bust and then after work, just treat myself to a shopping spree  and to me, that would be a nice birthday this year.                

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