Sunday, September 22, 2013

Forgotten Past

I've been pretty much cleaning my room all day and while cleaning my room I found things from my past, meaning my ex boyfriend.  I always think when I find something linked to my ex boyfriend that those things will be the last connection to him but nope, I find things in the oddest places and wonder why I even saved it to being with and how much things I have left to discover.  While cleaning my closet I found a bag that had a picture frame that I decorated that I had planned to give my ex but never did.  I knew I still had this picture frame because I plan on one day of having a burning ceremony where I burn my "Ex Box."  My "Ex Box" is a box that has things of my ex that I plan to burn one of these days.  I could just throw it away but to me burning it has more meaning to me, it's like a Phoenix, where I rise from the ashes and become a new me because that's what I have been trying to do since we broke up and it's been six years, I know that is sad and pathetic but he was a jerk and destroyed me.  He would say sh** about me after we broke up and call me to make it seem like we would get back together but really he just wanted something from me, like letters of recommendation.  So afterwards, I just avoided guys because I was afraid of getting hurt and that all guys where the same but slowly over the years I have been putting my guards down and now I am so blessed to have Ben in my life.  Anyways, in this bag, there was a Christmas card with his name and it was sealed.  I wonder what I had wrote, I could have opened it but I don't want to revisit that past.  I'll leave that to future archaeologist to open it and read it. I tossed it because I don't wanted to be tempted to read it if I put it in the box.  That card caught me off guard but I'm just glad I'm getting rid of things that remind me of him and making progress cleaning my room.

Another thing I found while cleaning my room was a receipt from a restaurant dated 9/20/07.  I can't believe that was 6 years ago even though it doesn't seem like it.  I remember this day, I went and grabbed some food with some guy whose family HATES me now, and no joke, I think hate is an understatement.  I was surprised I even kept it and never noticed it before.  I also found a piece of paper with this guy's number and I remember when he gave it to me, the way he did it was cute.  I tried to hit him up after I become single but he wanted nothing to do with me so now when he tries to hit me up, I do the same thing, blunt to his messages like when he wants to hang and know when I am free.  Now that I think about it, I haven't heard from him in a while and that's fine with me.  2007 was quite the year for me as I found things from that time of my life.  I'm just glad I'm making progress with my room and putting that terrible past behind me.

This guy also texts me wanted to hang today.  I feel  bad because he isn't from here and I do want to hang but he kind of lives far but also I don't know if I'm just a joke that he will talk about later since he's in that circle with my ex.  Does he think I am a booty call?  Is he genuinely interested?  Am I just a prize?  Sadly, these are just some of the questions that I always think because that's how insecure I still sometimes after my ex and that was 6 years ago. :/  Even with Ben, I still feel insecure and think he'll leave me for someone else like my ex.   

No comments:

Post a Comment