Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Couldn't Ask

Last Thursday I spent the afternoon and evening with Ben.  He wanted to see me before he went camping for the weekend.  He also wanted me to help him pick out vests for work.  I can't believe just around this time last year I had actually went on a blind date with someone that I had met online.  I'm glad I didn't get catfish and the person turned out to be cool but timing was just off.  He always invited me to places things last minute and late when I would be in my pajamas or he wanted me to hang with his friends too.  I wouldn't have mind meeting his friends once I had more time getting to know him one-on-one because I'm really shy at first so I could only imagine how super shy I would have been around him and his friends.  He probably hates me by now but I wish him all the best.  Also, I was still trying to figure out my feelings for Ben.  I feel like Ben is the one for me and I love how he treats me and makes me feel.  Well getting back to last Thursday, so we hung out at the mall and afterwards we went to grab something to eat.  He actually was going to introduced me to his parents but his mom wasn't home and also my nose was super congested.  So it probably would have been a little embarrassing for me to meet Ben's parents for the first time and talking to them with a stuffy nose.  So we went to our spot to eat and talk.  It was nice talking and seeing the city below.  I just wished I didn't have a stuffy noise.  I loved it when we would walk around and he would pick me up and carry me over parts because I was wearing sandals and didn't want to fall.  I just loved being in his arms. I thought may be he would ask me to be his girlfriend officially or we would be talking normally and he would refer to me as my boyfriend or his girlfriend. and then I could bring it up but he didn't.  On the way back home I tried to work up the courage to bring up the "DTR Talk," but I would get scared.  I even tried to drop hints like talking about how our wedding would be like or bringing up his friends from the wedding and asked if they were still single in 3s.  That didn't work, I was trying to drop hints with these topics but they didn't work and I was hard to understand with my stuffy nose.  I thought about asking him straight out but I still want the romantic asking me to be his girlfriend and plus my nose was stuffy so it was hard to understand what I was trying to say and if I was going to ask, I didn't want to ask with my stuffy nose.  So I just eventually let it go.  I was sad when he dropped me off because I knew I wouldn't hear from him until he got back from camping and I was sad that I couldn't DTR.  I know if I asked he would say something like "Yes, your my girlfriend, I just couldn't find the right way to ask because I've been hurt in the past and I'm never good at stuff like that" (like Valentine's Day, when he wanted to ask me but couldn't find the right words), so I imagine he would say something like that.  I know we our a couple but still for all I know we could be casual dating or even worse, friends with benefits.  I couldn't stop thinking of Ben all this weekend, I was just so happy with him at our spot on Thursday.  I went to a fair and thought of Ben.  Everything reminded me of Ben, maybe we will go together one of these days.  I went to a wedding on Sunday.  It reminded me of how Ben invited me to a wedding.  During the wedding, the minister said how you marry your best friend and I thought about, and Ben is my best friend.  I can tell him anything and he respects what I say and I can be me around him.  Maybe wedding bells will be in the near future for us.

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