Saturday, March 2, 2013

Insecurities and FaceTime

Last night my (Feb. 16) phone received a lot of messages from various people, including Ben. I wasn't sure if I wanted to respond to him because of what happened on V-Day. I was missing him and ignoring him for a day and half was long enough. I'm glad I messaged him back because now things are better. Here's how it went:

Ben: Hey, are you okay? :(

Me: Why?

 Ben: I hadn't heard from you and I was worried

Ben: How are you doing?

Me: In bed
(at the time I was really tired and half asleep so I thought the message said "What are you doing?)

Ben: Oh ok. Are you tired? I wanted to call but if you rather sleep its okay

Me: Lost voice

Ben: Oh no :(
What happened?

Me: Work

Ben: I'm sure kids are hard to work with. I was in ---- yesterday and I texted you wondering if you wanted lunch. Maybe another time.

Me: Oh

Ben: Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?

Me: No
Just crushed

Ben: Why? Talk to me please :(

Me: We didn't do anything for vday and I feel like lunch was just convenient, no offense

Ben: You don't have to worry about offending me, and you have every right to be mad. Are you sure I can't call so we can talk about it?

Me: Fine
(His messaged made me a little worried because he said it was okay to be mad at him. Okay? Really? It made me wonder what he had done V-Day so I was a little scared to talk to him but I did want some answers and a decent night's sleep.)

So the phone rang and I answered with my guard up. He explained about V-day and how sorry he was. What happened was he had class all day so he spent V-Day at school. I had his schedule wrong. I thought he went to school M,W, F and TH he had online class. I was close, I had Th and Fri mixed up. So he said Friday was his version of Valentine's Day with me. He wanted to take me to a vegan restaurant and later to this frozen yogurt place. He just didn't know how to ask really because he said he was rejected a lot in high school by girls like me. I thought this was kind of cute and funny since I did not go out at all in high school. Guys were nvr interested in taking me out on a date in high school. While he let his past of rejection get the best of him, I let my own insecurities get the best of me. I have trust issues with guys since my ex broke my hurt really badly. So instead of trusting Ben, I let my insecurities of guys get the best of me. I thought him inviting me to lunch was nothing more than just lunch since he is always inviting ppl to lunch. He was just nervous and didn't know how to ask me. Aw, so I felt bad that I ignored him but at the time I had imagine the worst. So we are talking again now and even FaceTime that night. So now he talk on the phone or FaceTime. I had never FaceTime before that which is funny since I am trying to blog about the Social side of anthropology. I like Facetime being able to see the person except WiFi suxs at my house so sometimes WiFi connection gets lost. I'm glad I talk to Ben in the end because we now know each other a little better. <3

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