Sunday, June 22, 2014

Summer Break and No Ben

Already a couple weeks into my summer break and nothing much has changed, especially between Ben and me. We haven't hung out once yet but yet he has been hanging out with other people ALL THE TIME!!! Ugh, it makes me so mad when I look at his profile page and I see him tagged at places and/or pictures, especially with other girls too!!! I know guys can have friends that are girls but still it sucks because we are supposedly in a relationship and it  does not feel like it.  To me, it feels like we only hang out when it is convenient for him.  Did I mention that our last date night was in March too! However, he did apologize the other day how we haven't hung out this summer and that he wanted to hang out this week but no shocker that he didn't invite me anywhere. And if it were not for the World Cup going on, I probably wouldn't hear from him that much.  The only time we really talk is when one of my favorite teams is playing and I post something about the game on my page.  He probably could care less about the World Cup if it weren't for me. I'll give him some points for at least trying to show an interest in something that I like.
I know I shouldn't really complain about him not always spending time with me since he does help me out when I really need him the most but is it wrong to ask for a little more "us time!?"  There are other guys who want to hang out with me and I decline as usual.  At this point though, I should probably keep my options open.  For all I know, Ben is cheating on me, since at times it does feel that way.  I feel like I am just a convenient girlfriend he has just to show off when needed or have available when he has no one else to hang out with.  I do not even feel like a girlfriend.  A part of me wants to tell him how we should see other people, even though he might already be doing so. It isn't fair for me having to wait every month for one date night (if I am lucky).  A few months ago I wanted to have a date night but he told me how he has other people he needs to hang out with too! Seriously?! What is wrong with you Ben?! And what is wrong with me for staying in whatever this is between Ben and me?! He also said that to me during our date and how he also had to decline other people who wanted to hang out with him so he could be with me.  -_ -   And when summer comes to an end, it is just going to be worse.  I will be busy with school and he will be busy with work.   Fridays he will want to show his school spirit and want to go to the Friday night football games wherever he will be working at.  Ben might invite me to one if I am lucky just to show me off but I have never been a fan of going to games since they are usually at night and in the fall season when the temperature is freezing me.  It is hard for me to be out in the cold and not be doing anything.  It also wouldn't be my idea of a date night either.  We could do something after the game but I'll probably be to numb and tired to want to do anything afterwards. 
I told Ben a few weeks ago how during the summer we should go to this museum and see the new exhibition.  I really want to go, especially with Ben, but he probably doesn't even remember that I said that.  It wouldn't surprise me if either if he already saw the exhibition.  He goes everywhere with other people except for me.  At least his profile picture right now is just a selfie of him.  I think he got my message when he had a profile picture of him and one of his friend girls.  When I saw that, oh boy did that set me off!  We barely hang out and then my profile picture at the time was a picture of us. And yet he has to remind me of our lack of date nights nor comment or at least like the profile picture! So I immediately changed my picture to one of me with someone other then Ben.  I also posted on a couple of guys wall and ignored a couple of his messages.  Looks like I need to this again. 

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