Convenient

Last night I could not sleep and now I'm really tired. My motions kept me up. All I could think of was Ben. Was I overreacting? Was he using me? Did he go out on V-Day with someone else? I tried to sleep but couldn't. I told myself I wouldn't look at his wall until Sunday but then I thought I should just look now since I'm already losing sleep and losing another night of sleep wouldn't help me in the long run. I looked but didn't really see anything but still, I get this feeling that something is not right. I didn't seen anything for V-Day but then again he could of done one of several things like hide it, delete it or told ppl not to post anything. However, I saw that he was hanging out with some girlfriends 3 hours before I logged in which would explain lunch. He probably had his afternoon open for once and decided to invite me even thou I am still waiting for an explanation about V-Day. So not only did he break my heart but now I feel convenient. Lunch yesterday was the first time he actually invited me somewhere even thou it couldn't have come for me at the worst time. I've only seen him once, yes once since I finished school in June. Oh and did I mention that when I did see him it was by chance. He is always telling me how he is always busy with work and school but yet he is always hanging out with his friends. So I wonder where I stand in his life. Am I just prize to him like all the other guys in my life? Does he even like me like he said he does? Am I just convenient?