Three in a Row :(

I was just checking my e-mails and saw an e-mail from the district where I took my test on Friday and it informed me that I did not receive a passing score on the test. I could feels my eyes flooding and tears running down my checks, even now they are getting watery.  I didn't think I did that bad but apparently I did and then to add lemon juice to my wound I saw another e-mail from a different district where I had applied for a position saying in the subject header "Application Not Selected," so I already knew what to expect when I opened the e-mail.  The person who sent this e-mail said there was a large pool of candidates (I wonder if this is really true or not or it's just to ease the pain) and that my application was not selected to proceed in the hiring process.  The individual was not part of the screening process and that they didn't know "the particular reason [my] application was not selected to proceed in the hiring process.  We are not allowed to divulge the reason you were not selected."  I'll tell you why they won't tell me because of liability!!!

UUUUGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! I am so tired of this rejection!!!! :(   I know it's part of life but it still hurts and lowers my self-esteem!!!

Where You Rank

I had a pre employment test on Friday and I was nervous as always because I didn't know how many questions it was going to be and what they were going to ask.  I was informed that the test would be 30 minutes long and there was only 30 questions so it wasn't that bad.  It went a lot better then expected and I finished my test at a reasonable time but took advantage of the extra time I had and went over the questions that I wasn't sure about again.  We were told that we would be scored by how we did on the test and then the interview which would be in about 2 weeks.  Great, being scored on how we interview, they might as well just place me on the bottom :/  Hopefully, I can stay calm and relax for this interview (assuming I passed the first part which was the test).  I think that was my problem in the other interview that I had- I didn't stay calm and relax and just let myself breath and process the questions. I give props to the peoples who compete in pageants and have to answer whatever their interview question is which they have to be prepared and well rounded in to answer, at least with mine, it's work related and I have a general idea what they might ask. It's kind of funny that it's easy for me to express myself with pen and paper but with words...hhhhmmm...I could use some work.  I wish I had the speaking ability of Ben then I would have no problems with interviews whatsoever.  So after the test and interview, you are ranked from highest to lowest and the top three will be assigned for sure and then as openings become available they could down the ranking list. So hopefully I am up there, I don't expect to be at the top but being close will do.  Only time will tell for now. 

Blew It Yet Again :(

I had a job interview on May 29th for a substitute position which is what I am trying to get in the meantime while I still pursue an anthropology job.  I was glad I had made it to interview selection instead of the typical process of applying online and nvr hearing anything back.  It was also a way to redeem myself for the sub position interview that I blew by showing up late.  They only asked 5 questions and I was nervous since this has been only the 4th job interview I had been on ever.  Leaving the interview, I could just tell I blew it but still remain a lil hopefully and it didn't help that later after the interview when I was checking my e-mail that I had heard back from that anthropology job I had applied to like 2 months ago saying that they found a more suitable applicant for the position and blah blah blah. I already knew I didn't get that position when I checked my account a few weeks later even though they finally replied to me 2 months later.  Anyways, today I saw that I had some letters and one of them was from the district where I had my interview and it informed me that I did not not get the job :( It was nice that they actually hand signed the letter and the polite thing would be to send a thank you e-mail/letter thanking them for letting me be interview but I'm not.  Rejection hurts and I would like to forget that I applied and interview there.  I feel like nothing is going right for me and I just want a break in life.  It's bad enough I am not working in the anthropology job but that I still can't get a substitute position almost a year after I received my permit and I am getting worried I might never will and my permit expires in a couple of months too and Idk if I will be able to renew it w/o working...sigh... :/

Secret Admirer???

Checking my emails, and going through my Spam ones as well I noticed an email that said in the subject area that someone from the college I went to invited me to join datemyschool.com.  At first I thought it was one of those weird annoying spam messages I get from time to time from single and lonely and view singles in your area and blah blah blah.  What stood out to me was that it knew what school I went to.  I googled the site and it turns out it is a legit site.  You can set up dates from people at your school and you have the option of being invisible or not in your department. So basically if I made an account, I would be invisible to all the people in my department major and I would be able to meet people from other departments.  It seems like something I would do if I was still in school, even though you can register as an alumni through your school and also Ben and I are almost a couple.  It seems better then the dating site I joined for a project and a lot easier and convenient to meet people since people often meet each other for a "date" somewhere on campus.  It's also just for college students, which is a plus, and you don't really have to worry about being rejected and recognized (which is something I experienced a couple times).  However, the anthropologist in me wants to check it out because it is part of the reason why I am writing and I would be exploring the world around me through an anthropological aspect through the web.  It makes me wonder if I do have at secret admirer out there, if Ben is testing me or not, or if the school was invited to join the site and sent everyone (students and alumnis) an e-mail.     

Status: It's Complicated

Last night I talked to Ben and we were talking about how we met and how it would make a funny story to tell people. While we were talking he said, "You can tell people you met your boyfriend..." I didn't say anything but I wish I did because he was actually calling himself my boyfriend. Maybe the next time I see him in person I will mention something.  I thought he was going to officially make us an "official couple" at the annual banquet on May 24th because he wanted me to go and show me off to everyone in the department and he said it was going to be our "coming out" party. He never DTR and someone even asked him how long we had been going out and he said it's a long story.  It didn't matter however since I really didn't get to spend that much time with him since he was running the event and had to be everywhere.  I was hoping to spend time with at the end of the banquet since I was dressed up but he wanted to go to an after party bc he wanted to say his last goodbyes and hang out with ppl which he might not see again, which I understood, he wanted me to come too but I declined since I wanted to wake up early and get something done.  He said he would make it up to me and we would have date night the nxt week but we nvr did. I was mad and even ignored his messages at first but then decided to not to ignore, knowing that usually backfires on me. I haven't seen him since the banquet and still a little hurt since from time to time he tells me how he hung out with friends and what they did but I can't say anything because it's finals time and I don't want to distract him.  He did say that we would have the summer to hang out and to ourselves but IDK, actions speak louder then words.  I just don't want it to be like last summer where I nvr saw him once!  Only time will tell when we will have an other date night and DTR.