Blew It Yet Again :(

I had a job interview on May 29th for a substitute position which is what I am trying to get in the meantime while I still pursue an anthropology job.  I was glad I had made it to interview selection instead of the typical process of applying online and nvr hearing anything back.  It was also a way to redeem myself for the sub position interview that I blew by showing up late.  They only asked 5 questions and I was nervous since this has been only the 4th job interview I had been on ever.  Leaving the interview, I could just tell I blew it but still remain a lil hopefully and it didn't help that later after the interview when I was checking my e-mail that I had heard back from that anthropology job I had applied to like 2 months ago saying that they found a more suitable applicant for the position and blah blah blah. I already knew I didn't get that position when I checked my account a few weeks later even though they finally replied to me 2 months later.  Anyways, today I saw that I had some letters and one of them was from the district where I had my interview and it informed me that I did not not get the job :( It was nice that they actually hand signed the letter and the polite thing would be to send a thank you e-mail/letter thanking them for letting me be interview but I'm not.  Rejection hurts and I would like to forget that I applied and interview there.  I feel like nothing is going right for me and I just want a break in life.  It's bad enough I am not working in the anthropology job but that I still can't get a substitute position almost a year after I received my permit and I am getting worried I might never will and my permit expires in a couple of months too and Idk if I will be able to renew it w/o working...sigh... :/

Secret Admirer???

Checking my emails, and going through my Spam ones as well I noticed an email that said in the subject area that someone from the college I went to invited me to join datemyschool.com.  At first I thought it was one of those weird annoying spam messages I get from time to time from single and lonely and view singles in your area and blah blah blah.  What stood out to me was that it knew what school I went to.  I googled the site and it turns out it is a legit site.  You can set up dates from people at your school and you have the option of being invisible or not in your department. So basically if I made an account, I would be invisible to all the people in my department major and I would be able to meet people from other departments.  It seems like something I would do if I was still in school, even though you can register as an alumni through your school and also Ben and I are almost a couple.  It seems better then the dating site I joined for a project and a lot easier and convenient to meet people since people often meet each other for a "date" somewhere on campus.  It's also just for college students, which is a plus, and you don't really have to worry about being rejected and recognized (which is something I experienced a couple times).  However, the anthropologist in me wants to check it out because it is part of the reason why I am writing and I would be exploring the world around me through an anthropological aspect through the web.  It makes me wonder if I do have at secret admirer out there, if Ben is testing me or not, or if the school was invited to join the site and sent everyone (students and alumnis) an e-mail.     

Status: It's Complicated

Last night I talked to Ben and we were talking about how we met and how it would make a funny story to tell people. While we were talking he said, "You can tell people you met your boyfriend..." I didn't say anything but I wish I did because he was actually calling himself my boyfriend. Maybe the next time I see him in person I will mention something.  I thought he was going to officially make us an "official couple" at the annual banquet on May 24th because he wanted me to go and show me off to everyone in the department and he said it was going to be our "coming out" party. He never DTR and someone even asked him how long we had been going out and he said it's a long story.  It didn't matter however since I really didn't get to spend that much time with him since he was running the event and had to be everywhere.  I was hoping to spend time with at the end of the banquet since I was dressed up but he wanted to go to an after party bc he wanted to say his last goodbyes and hang out with ppl which he might not see again, which I understood, he wanted me to come too but I declined since I wanted to wake up early and get something done.  He said he would make it up to me and we would have date night the nxt week but we nvr did. I was mad and even ignored his messages at first but then decided to not to ignore, knowing that usually backfires on me. I haven't seen him since the banquet and still a little hurt since from time to time he tells me how he hung out with friends and what they did but I can't say anything because it's finals time and I don't want to distract him.  He did say that we would have the summer to hang out and to ourselves but IDK, actions speak louder then words.  I just don't want it to be like last summer where I nvr saw him once!  Only time will tell when we will have an other date night and DTR.       

No Progress

8:09 PM 5/20 I still haven’t made any progress in my quest to find a job in the anthropology field, which is my dream. Even though I am working a part time, but hey, it’s rewarding, and it’s a start and a job, my heart still belongs to anthropology. I was watching Primer Impacto and they were showing in Yucatan, Mexico, a cave with Mayan pictograph hand prints. They were also animal bones and various artifacts, like a source for light. My eyes were a little watery because I wish I was doing something like that. Today, I also received my charm of a shovel pick and axe excavation which I won online. It’s to remind me to keep pushing for my dream. Even though a part of me doesn’t feel like I deserve to wear it until my goal, another part of me is telling me to wear it because I did earn a degree in anthropology and I took a field class while in school and I was quite good at pedestrian surveying. Maybe me winning this charm is a sign that I am meant to be in the anthropology community, I sure hope so!!! I was talking to one of my friends from school last week and they were telling me how they were quitting there job that week because of boredom and that Friday was there last day. He told me of job openings for a company that another classmate was applying too and he told me I should apply, even though I told him my background and qualifications in anthropology were limited. Let’s see, no field school, no internship and no volunteer experience. L He assured me that my school reports and field class would be fine, it’s all about how you sell yourself. This is true for any job. It is also something I think I lack and why I would never make a good sales person. He did offer to help me with my resume and so maybe I’ll take him up on his offer before he goes off to grad school and look into that company he mentioned. He’s going to grad school in Denmark in August for underwater (maritime) archeology, which is what I wanted to do. It’s a 2 year program, and I am really happy for him and jealous, lol, because that’s what I want to do, except I want to go to grad school in Mexico, ideally at UNAM (go Pumas), but U. of Guadalajara would do too. Maybe I should start saving my money for grad school and/or scuba diving lessons, instead of salsa lessons and stop buying things I really don’t need online, lol. I know scuba diving lessons can be expensive, but hey, if it gets me a step closer to my dream, then I’m all in. Maybe by the time my friend finishes grad school, I’ll be certified in scuba diving and I can work for him. J Just checked my email and I got an email from PADI Americas, it’s a sign! (I hope) The closes thing I ever got to scuba diving lessons was when in the summer of when I was transferring school, there was a free scuba diving class at a sports store. It was so much fun and I thought I was finally doing it, you know, becoming the anthropologist that I want to be, since I was transferring school and was starting to take more classes in anthropology to actually become an anthropologist. Almost a year after getting my degree and I am nowhere closer to working in the anthropology world and leaving my mark. L

An Impossible Dream

So I applied to an anthropology job as I mentioned during St. Patrick’s Day. I thought it was sign being Irish and praying to St. Jude and St. Cajetan for an anthropology job almost every night. I went back to indeed.com to see what new anthropology job openings there was and the same job that I applied to was posted again. I saw it as my chance to redeem myself and upload and submit my resume because I don’t think my resume was uploaded and I wanted to make my application better than it was previously. However, now I feel like I have wasted a perfectly good Saturday night now because I read other people who applied to this university for a job and read what they had to say. Many people applied over and over again and never heard back anything or saw that there application status was changed to “Alternate Applicant Selected.” I checked my status and it said the same, so I googled its meaning, which means, “If your status has been changed to alternate applicant selected, this means that we have pursued another applicant whose qualifications more closely match the requirements of the position.” Some people were upset with the status of their application because they felt that they were qualified for the job they were applying too. I wondered if I was wasting my time now reapplying. I haven’t finished my application because I want to fix my resume but I wonder if I am wasting my time now and should look elsewhere for a job in the anthropology field. I feel like my dreams of working in the anthropology field are slowing becoming an impossible dream L

See Where Things Go

Tuesday night I FaceTimed with Ben. While we were talking, he talked about going out again and how he wanted to see where things go. I was happy because I wanted him to ask me out again but being old-fashioned I waited for him to ask. I told him I was hoping he would and he said he would be stupid not to, aw! <3
However the words "wanted to see where things go," still stood out in my mind during our conversation. He said he wanted to take me out again and see where things go from there. Would he ever "DTR?" I know he can be shy around me and so am I, so I could see why he wanted to see where things go. He's been hurt in the past like me.
When we went out on our "first official date," I thought he was going "DTR" and make it official by asking me to be his girlfriend as we were saying our final goodbyes but instead he just told me how much he loved me and how much fun he had with me. This was a sweet ending to our first date even if he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. Maybe he wanted to but got scared or maybe he wants to take his time with me and romance me and sweep me off my feet by really seeing where things go.  

Oh Thursday Night, Oh What a Night!

So my friends, Ben and I finally went on an "official date" Thursday night (3/28/13).  It was the best date I've been on. Even though a 14 year old junior high girl probably has gone out on more dates in one year then I have in my whole life, it was the best date. Ben invited me a week earlier and we picked Thursday night since he was on Spring Break and Thursday is my early day at work. Thursday morning I spent the morning loading tons of bags in my car. Some bags for work and some bags so I could get ready at the gym after work for date night. A lot of my things like perfume, makeup and jewelry were still in the tote bags from V-Day so that saved some time, lol. I chose to wear my nice light blue True Religion jeans, a sequence top and flats. He didn't tell me much expect to dress for a night on the town because it was a surprise. So I went with a casual nice look since sequence in my opinion says "night out" and "night on the town." I didn't know if we would be doing a lot of walking, so that's why I chose jeans and flats, plus my phone said it was going to be a cold night.
After work, I was excited because I didn't have work the next day so I could stay out later and sleep in, it was the beginning of my spring break (and for once it was actually in the spring and around Easter time) and of course it was my first official date with Ben. I got ready at the gym since it's near my work and where Ben lives and to same time and gas. Also, I wanted to get ready in peace without my family asking a million questions, since I rarely go out and my mom still can be a little (more like a lot) when it comes to guys and dating even at my age which is sad and embarrassing.
At the gym, I got a lot of compliments about my hair which people wanted to know how I fixed my hair. I fix my hair with a curling iron and hair spray it like it crazy. And it also helps that my hair is already curly and I have good hair genes. By the time I was finished it was around 6:20 and he was picking me up at 6:30, so it was perfect timing. Soon after I put my things in my car, he was there and he opened the door for me and we were off.
It turns out he was basing the date by what I was wearing. If I was wearing something fancy, then a fancy restaurant and if I were wearing my pjs (which I said as a joke but for some reason thought I was serious), then some dark place like movies or a restaurant so no one could see us, lol. So we ended up going to a comedy club.
I have never been to a comedy club before, even though I have been invited in the past. The comedians were all funny and we were seated in the front and Ben actually held my hand throughout the show.
After the show, we stopped and ate at Sonics which I had never had before either and afterwards we headed back to my car.
We were going to start making out but he felt a little awkward in the parking lot, which I agreed. He took me to one of his favorite spots because it was private, great view of the city and it was perfect for star gazing. His spot was perfect. It was just the two of us with the city lights in the background. It was romantic and I thought I could never feel this way about someone because usually I have my guard up since I have been hurt really badly in the past.
But like Cinderella at midnight, all things must come to an end. Before I was about to leave, I thought Ben was going to ask me to be his girlfriend but said "I Love You." Maybe he was but got shy. It was hard to leave Ben and I can't wait for our next date. Could he be the one?